Lent Series: Self-awareness and St. Teresa of Avila, Part 6

Growth in self-awareness involves tackling how we respond to every situation. 

If we learn about unconscious motivations for things and why we respond to situations and people in certain ways, we see the causes of ‘blocks’ or confusion.  With God’s help, we move forward on the contemplative journey.  We learn what to take responsibility for, confess and seek healing for, letting go of burdens that are not our responsibility. 

Through prayer, God can reveal the cause of frustration or anger, the failing or past hurt and help us unravel the unconscious parts that fear exposure, shame or pain.  This leads, with further prayer and healing, to freedom.  St. Teresa says this stage is necessary on the path to wholeness, healing and union with God.

There is a risk of scruples, in some personality types, or as a result of some wounds.  Excessive introversion, over sensitivity to perceived sin, or not accepting forgiveness, can be damaging and painful to live with.  Teresa was aware of this issue. 

Our openness to learn from God (docibilitas) is essential, to trust what His Word and His Church teaches is true, even if it doesn’t always ‘feel’ true.  Only by learning trust, acknowledging the dignity and value of ourselves and each soul before God, are we able to stand before Him in truth.  Only true self-awareness allows this kind of peace and flourishing to develop.

Modern depth psychology lines up with this approach.  St. Teresa was ahead of her time in understanding the human psyche (which she called the soul).  The necessary work this takes can be done through Spiritual Direction.  However, deeper issues or psychological imbalances are better helped through psychotherapy.  The benefits in working through such issues can be remarkable.  No-one needs to be afraid or ashamed of such a journey.

The first step in self-awareness is to enter into the 'room' of self-awareness Teresa describes in The Interior Castle, through prayer and humility, facing the truth about ourselves, which we may find hard.  Our Spiritual Director can help us see ourselves in truth, looking beyond the blind spots, to say with Paul, 'I don't understand why I act as I do.. I keep doing the bad things I hate….'

We must seek God’s help, through prayer and those around us, reaching out of our comfort zone.  We need learn to be open to God, ourselves and our Spiritual Director - as one of Teresa’s prerequisites for self-awareness - though trust can be hard for a wounded soul.  St. Teresa suggests that we will be unable to express our natural gifts if we don't acknowledge the riches we have been given, even if they seem mundane.

We need to develop the practice of being present to God, becoming present also to our unconscious.  The inward journey also calls for a step outside ourselves.  She must ask God to shine in our dark corners to uncover us to ourselves, in ways we may never have experienced.   This work might resemble that of an archeologist uncovering a treasure slowly and gently, without doing damage to the treasure.  

It might take a while to see ourselves in God’s light and learn who we are in His eyes, due to the many messages of our culture presenting us with so many false messages.  Through her writing Teresa learned to open up about herself, share her experience, expose her spiritual and psychological weaknesses and see her flaws.  We need to learn to do this, with the help of our Spiritual Director.  We will also grow in self- knowledge by meditating on the words of Jesus and reading Teresa’s words.

Unless willing to begin the inward journey, seeking the ‘inner light’ of God’s action within us, this path of true healing won’t begin.  Only when we open up to God in our true ‘interior’, recognising that we can do nothing without His help, seeking His healing through facing our shadows and allowing Him to penetrate our dark corners, will we begin to heal.

We need to develop detachment, letting go on every level in order to be free.  In our consumer society, we need to learn that this goes deeper than detachment from things.  As the spiritual life deepens, we detach from what holds us back from deeper communion with God and others.  We face our limitations, where we had been blind before, especially where we lack love and close ourselves off. 

Once the prayer journey begins in earnest, distractions and difficulties will come into view, even our unconscious areas we have hitherto been unaware of and the realisation of hidden motives, unknown aspects of our character and mysterious obstacles can be frightening.  Fears or distorted self image can block or damage growth in self-awareness.  

Modern depth-psychology agrees that self-awareness is important for healing and gaining a clear insight into hidden parts of the soul and psyche that need acknowledgement, acceptance and challenge, within the self, others and before God.  Learning about hidden motivations are helpful on the spiritual journey, difficult.  Insights from psychological reading can help, however, we may need professional psychological help for more complex issues.  Nevertheless, Teresa expects that growth in the spiritual life will lead to psychological healing too.

The benefits coming from this new self-appreciation are great as God reveals us to ourselves.  From a modern world of exterior and interior noise never imagined by Teresa, once we have learned prayerful silence and meditating on scripture, guided by our Spiritual Director, we begin to value supernatural riches and see the harmfulness of sinful inclinations alongside hidden wounds.  Searching ourselves with the light of God in our soul helps free us from fears. 

Our Spiritual Director knows there is always the risk of self-deception, and a need to discern the light of God from false light.  She will encourage us, return us to the Gospels and prayer to continue the ‘inner work’ of listening to the Father’s forming action as more of ourselves is revealed, leading us to the truth of who we are before Him.  This journey to self-awareness is always ongoing. 

Growth in self-awareness will also lead to growth in virtue expressed in love and good works for others, which Teresa considered an important fruit of spiritual growth.  Gradually, through God’s loving action and inner light, we will notice increased love for others, growth in virtue and openness to God.  Opening ourselves to receive love as well as giving love too.